The Modern Amish

it wouldn’t be a big deal if he was spotted with a boot on his foot.  He’d always wear boots.
we’d get to see Pat Patriot with one of those cool beards.  
supermodels in bonnets & long-sleeved black dresses.
a curious number of children born in his community would look like him.
his chinstrap would have to be [...]

Windows Vista would only be available to buy at an auction in rural Washington.
no blue screen of death because the Amish build things that work right.
would have been too honest to steal DOS from IBM.
a Gates quilt on every bed.
would push Smuckers to the brink of bankruptcy then give them a hand staying afloat.
his wardrobe [...]

being on Colonial House would’ve been a step up for her.
Oprah’s Book Club pick?  The Bible every time.
the book club would be replaced by Oprah’s Quilt Club.
and Oprah’s Jelly Club.
and Oprah’s Furniture Club.
she wouldn’t care about Barack Obama.
Amish fashions all the rage with women ages 30-49.
she would dismiss the exploits of Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears, [...]

worlds first beard toupee.  And it would be horrible.
his catchphrase would be ‘Thou art fired.’
stretch buggies.
he would have turned the other cheek to Rosie’s insults.
no need for comb-over.  Black hats look good with everything.
Trump Taj Mahal would be referring to a barn.
the scandal created by him trying to corner the Lancaster County real estate market [...]

Once I had the name of the blog explode into being, I immediately began to think of some fun things I could do to play on the name.  And so today I give you the first installment of what I hope is a long running feature, ‘If they were Amish.’  Where we do a full [...]