The Modern Amish

I shouldn’t be shocked anymore.  I’ve seen so many things when driving that I should be immune to astonishment now.  But I can’t help it.  It still happens.  I blame NASCAR. 

No don’t get me wrong, I love NASCAR.  Or I used to.  My father used to race all over SW Mo before he settled down, got married, and got busy gettin’ busy.  So we used to not only watch races on TV, but we’d go to the local dirt tracks to watch the races.  And I’d listen to my dad tell stories of his racin’ days.  So I love auto racing, but it should be confined to the racetracks & dragstrips that were built for it.  Not on the road I take for my daily commute. 

And yet there he was, doing his best Intimidator impersonation as he passed me on the shoulder this morning.  And if I could have stopped time when I first saw him in my rearview mirror, I would have wagered my life savings on there being some form of NASCAR sticker attached to his car somewhere.  Sure enough, as he zoomed past, I glimpesed an “Our friend Dale” sticker in the window.  He completed his daring pass on the high side, thankfully without having a vehicle pull out from one of the numerous side roads to cause a disaster, and took the lead coming into the homestretch.  The checkered flag waiting for him.

Of course it would have been a different story if I had given into my first impulse to swerve out & put him in the wall.  But unlike him, I realized I was just driving to work.  Not racing to the line.

Ever had one of those days when you aren’t sure if your heifer is feeling up to snuff?  Haven’t we all?  Well today’s farming tip is for you then.  The Texas County (Mo) Soil and Water Conservation District website gives us these tips on how to determine Is She Sick?

• First of all think of how the animal would look in a natural setting if she was feeling normal.  Is she alert and aware of you, the dog, the cat, the kids, etc.  Those are the things that in the wild she would be checking to see if they were a predator or not. 
• Second, look at the head as it tells us a lot,  Are the eyes bright and sharp? Are the ears up and forward?  Is she holding her head normal or letting it droop like she is tired and weary telling you that she doesn’t feel good.
• Appetite, is she eating right or at all.  Sick animal do not eat food.  They want to empty their digestive tracts and get rid of what they feel is making them sick.  Is she chewing her cud? This is a sign that her rumen is working.  Are the bowels loose or watery?  That can be a sure sign of fever or dehydration.
• Feel the mouth area.  Is it hot, dry, etc.  Fever is a symptom that something is not right.  A sick animal’s mouth feels hot.  Like the kids, does she have a runny nose?  A bad cold to an animal can soon develop into pneumonia.
• What about water?  Is she drinking or refusing to drink.  Watching your cattle from day to day when they are healthy will give you a good judgment base to tell when they are getting sick.  Your challenge as a livestock caretaker is to be able to tell from your animal’s behavior  when something is wrong.
• You know you are getting good when you can look at your cow and tell she is getting sick 24 hours before she knows it.

I grew up in a rural area, and still live in one.  I spent many many hours on my grandfathers farms.  But there are many reasons why I never felt the urge to farm.  Having to feel a cows mouth & examine it’s bowels are but two of them.  And what exactly constitutes a normal setting for a cow?  I always thought the barnyard is a cow’s normal setting.  At least I’ve never seen a wild cow. 

Follow this advice & you’ll soon be able to read Bossy like the Almanac.  Happy farming?

For anyone who didn’t know, Saturday was technically St. Patrick’s Day. And I’ve got a big beef with it. Not that the Catholic Church moved it. Not that what St. Patrick is credited with is most likely a fable. No, my complaint is why do we only celebrate one St. Patrick? There’s so many important Patricks that need to be recognized that did so much more than drive snakes off a little island. So today, let us recognize the real St. Patricks on the real St. Patrick’s day. Heroes every one. Let us long sing their praises.

Our first unknown St. Patrick is the somewhat forgotten, but still recognizable…

St. Patrick Duffy - Patron saint of 80s TV actors.

Who is complemented by…

St. Patrick Swayze - Patron saint of 80s movie actors.

Praying to these saints is best accomplished by wearing a “Who Shot JR?” T-shirt while holding a VCR tape of Dirty Dancing.

Our first female saint is strangely followed by more males than females.

St. Danica Patrick - Patron saint of athletes who believe image is everything.

Known followers include Vince Carter, Alex Rodriguez, & pretty much every member of the Notre Dame football team.  Anna Kournikova has refused to acknowledge St. Danica.  She has in fact petitioned Rome to take her place, as it would give a nice boost to poster sales.

Probably the second most well known St. Patrick is…

St. Patrick Star - Patron saint of voice over actors.

Some have questioned his sainthood on the basis of his possible relationship with Spongebob.  But the pope stands firm on this one as his is a big fan of Dauber from Coach.

Prominent among young teenage boys is…

St. Patrick Dempsey - Patron saint of goofy looking teenage boys who grew up to have women think they’re hot.

Not surprisingly, the number of people hoping to fall under his sainthood is much greater than those who actually do.

A good number of athletes offer prayers to this saint…

St. Patrick Vieira - Patron saint of goofy looking athletes.

He hears daily from such notables as Al Del Greco, Randy Johnson, Bobby Kielty, Yoakim Noah, Willie McGee, half of the 82 Detroit Tigers, Charlie Villanueva, Sam Cassell, the 86 Boston Celtics, Otis Nixon, Mike Ricci, Patrick Ewing, Chris Kamen, anyone that has to wear field hockey goalie gear, etc… And with his enormous noggin, he can remember every single one.

For science fiction fans out there…

St. Patrick Stewart- Patron saint of Trekkies.

This was going to be William Shatner.  But someone at the Vatican heard him ’sing’.

Of wide spread appeal is our next St. Patrick…

St. Patrick Warburton - Patron saint of questionable career choices.

“Pat, get this.  A blue spandex costume with bug antennae, but you don’t have to wear a mask so everyone will recognize you.  It’ll be great.” - Patrick Warburton’s ex-agent

Probably no St. Patrick has made a greater contribution to culture than our next one…

St. Dan Patrick- Patron saint of chronic catchphrase users & of men with unmovable hair.

St. Dan seems to have his own center of worship located in a complex in Bristol, Conn.

And finally, two St. Patrick’s that will be tied to each other forever…

St. Butch Patrick - Patron saint of adorable child actors.

Butch was not the first choice for this particular sainthood.  But unfortunately the original choice….

St. Neil Patrick Harris, went and got his sainthood revoked.

Uh, yeah…   Happy St. Patrick’s Day anyway.

For those of you that are dreaming of making some cash from having big birds running around your palatial estate, today’s farming tip is for you.  From eHow.com and their article “How To Become an Emu Farmer” comes this tip on the acreage you’ll need.

• Provide adequate land for your emus to run and exercise. Emu farming requires secure fencing, properly drained pens, shelter and fresh clean water. For each pair of birds build one 25 x100 foot wide, 6 foot tall welded wire or chain link pen.

That’s right.  Exercise for your emus.  When I throw that chuck of emu on the grill, I want it in tip top shape.  I’m actually starting my own line of emu exercise equipment if anyone is interested.   Anyone…   Emu exercise…    No?

Oh well.  Happy farming anyway.

One of the few things I don’t like about movies is trying to find ones that I want to watch.  I’m fairly picky because the majority of films made today substitute profanity for actual dialogue.  In other words they can’t think of a good line in a given situation, so they just drop an f-bomb in.  Or they need to add another 3 minutes to the movie so they add a scene where the lead actress shows off, as the English say, her naughty bits.  And if you want that in your movies, fine.  I’m not criticizing.  No, really.  I’m cool.  Just know that you won’t see it on the TV in my home.  Why?  1 - I don’t need that.  Real life gives me enough foul language to hear & my wife is the only woman I need to ’see’.  2 - I don’t want my kids hearing or seeing it.  3 - It’s either laziness or trying to get more box office.  Either way, I ain’t biting.  4 - John Wayne never had to curse or hang out with bare beauties.  Why do we need it now?

In reality the answer to #4 is that we don’t have any more actors like John Wayne.  So I’ll give you that.  But because of the other three, it’s almost impossible to walk into a video store blindly & find a movie that I want to watch.  The Motion Picture Association of America ratings system is no help because it appears to constantly be in flux & is arbitrarily being bent for certain films.  I’ve seen R rated films from the late 80s early 90s that are much cleaner that many of today’s PG-13 films.  Luckily, I’m not alone in wanting to avoid these things and I’ve found some resources to help me in my quest for quality, clean movies. 

Kids-In-Mind

Kids-In-Mind uses a 3 part ratings ratings system to assess the content of each film.  Sex & nudity/violence & gore/profanity each given a 0-10 rating.  0 being the least, 10 being the most.  So when you find a movie on their website, the rating will look like this…

10,000 B.C. - 3.7.1

3 being the sex & nudity rating, 7 the violence & gore, etc.  Clicking on the link for a given film brings you to a more detailed listing of each of the ratings categories as well as other areas that might be a concern.  It’s a good overall system, but the ratings can fluctuate some & it’s good to read some details to familiarize yourself with what the levels mean.  With a little knowledge of the sight, Kids-In-Mind gives you a quick, easy idea of the content of a movie.

SCREEN IT!

If you are looking for a detailed description of what you might run into with a film, this is the sight to go to.  Screen It rates each movie in 15 different areas such as Alcohol/Drugs, Guns/Weapons, Imitative Behavior, & others.  The categories are given ratings rating from ‘None’ & ‘Mild’ to ‘Heavy’ & ‘Extreme’.  A typical review can be viewed by clicking the link below.

Penelope(PG) (2008) (Christina Ricci, James McAvoy)

Detail relating to each category is given so you can make your own determination on the content.  In addition to the ratings, a summary of the plot, listing of the casts & roles they play, and a parental overview is given.  Again, the ratings do have a degree of subjectivity to them, but are fairly reliable once you become familiar with them. 

Much more in depth than Kids-In-Mind, Screen It! is for people doing full research on what they want to see.  But if you’re wanting to make a quick trip to the video store, you can arm yourself in a very short time by clicking over to Kids-In-Mind.  I use both & recommend both for anyone who wants to know what you’re looking for when you go looking for a movie & not depend on the kid behind the counter for suggestions.

I’ve said before that one of my great interests is movies. But I am one of those people (a dwindling number apparently) who recognize that great movies were being made before I was born.  It was this that got me involved in working my way through the AFI’s 100 Years… 100 Movies list.  I finished those off in record time & it only resulted in me wanting more.  And I realized I would love for other people to discover some of these great classic movies too.  But not everyone has the desire to go through them all to find the ones that really speak to them.  So, as a public service, I’ll be posting some reviews of classic movies that I recommend focusing on ones that are outside the top 20.  You can then read & decide if it’s a movie for you.  For my first review…

Lilies of the Field

The story begins when Homer Smith, played by Sidney Poitier, in need of water for his car, happens upon a convent ran by 5 nuns somewhere in the southwestern US.  Mother Maria, or Mother Superior, sees Homer as being sent by God to answer her prayers for someone to build a chapel for them.  She doesn’t mention the chapel immediately, but convinces the reluctant Homer to stay with an offer of a job, then supper.  Neither turn out to be exactly what Homer had in mind.  But stay he does & despite regular conflicts with Mother Superior, Homer progressively becomes personally attached to the work, & the nuns themselves. 

Homer is a free-roaming traveling man with no desire to be tied down.  In comments that he makes & in a conversation with the owner of a construction company, we see that he has experienced racism, but has maintained his dignity & good attitude toward all.  Despite his attempts to get paid for his work & leave, he is continually drawn into the sparse community earning the affection & respect of the nuns, & their parishioners.  The nuns have escaped from behind the Iron Curtain to come serve God in the desert.  They are still learning English which leads to some humorous moments such as when Homer playfully gets them to repeat after him in a Southern twang “I stands up y’all”.  This also begins the process of drawing them & Homer closer to one another.  Mother  Superior, despite her limited vocabulary, is clever & mildly manipulative, but only in trying to achieve what she believes is God’s will. 

The heart of the movie is the relationship between Homer & Mother Superior.  Both are strong characters & personalities from backgrounds that are totally different, so conflict is inevitable.  But they are also good-hearted people who care for others & even in their conflicts, we see the respect & begrudging affection grow.  The best example being a scene in which Homer tries to use the Bible to convince Mother Superior to pay him for his work.  He ends up using a swear word & she ends up blessing him.  As the movie progresses Mother Superior has her faith strengthened by seeing God answer her prayers, while the traveling Homer finds a piece of permanence that suits him.  Ultimately, the movie’s final scene is subtle, touching, & shows the depth of how much Homer & Mother Superior have touched each other. 

Sydney Poitier received his last Oscar nomination & only Ocsar win for Lilies.  Lilia Skala (whose real life story would make a great movie) got her only Oscar nomination for her portrayal of Mother Superior.  Stanley Adams also gave an excellent performance as Juan.  His character infused some humor, but also acted as the agent to lead Homer into seeing some deeper meaning in his actions. 

Lilies of the Field is truly heartwarming movie, & a great one.  It shows that even though my may think you know where you’re going in life, you really have no idea how you’ll actually get there or what will happen along the way.  Both Poitier & Skala fit their parts perfectly, & the interaction between them rings true.  We’re given just enough character development to really care about them & understand their motivation, but not so much as to overwhelm us with information.  The film is done in black & white which really shows off the desert landscapes as well as accentuating the differences between the nuns & Homer.  An excellent bit of storytelling in that for the most part you know what’s going to happen, yet you still enjoy getting there.  And it’s very rewatchable.  It’s suitable for all ages to watch although it might be boring for children.  Lilies of the Field.  Check it out.

Release date: Oct. 1, 1963

Awards: 5 Oscar nominations, 1 win (Best Actor-Sidney Poitier); 4 Golden Globe nominations, 2 wins (Best Actor-Sidney Poitier, Best Film Promoting International Understanding)

Rating: Approved

So as we try to get back on track, here’s today’s farming tip.  And it’s for all you urban dwellers looking to have your own little bit of Green Acres in the big city.  From New York magazine, here’s how to go about assessing the soil for your urban garden.

• Caleb Leech, curator of the Brooklyn Botanic Garden’s fragrance and herb gardens, suggests that, before planting, you take a handful of dirt and squeeze it together. Good soil will lightly clump, bad soil will either fall apart (too sandy) or mass together (too clay-y). The good news is that soil problems can be remedied by adding compost, manure, and other organic materials widely available at area nurseries.

There you go.  Before you plant your seeds, give your dirt a squeeze.  So many things in life can be checked out with a squeeze.  Dirt, citrus fruit, couchs, basketballs.  That’s it.  Remember, this is a G rated website.  Happy farming. 

Life is funny. Sometimes ‘ha ha’ funny, sometimes ‘this sucks’ funny, & sometimes ‘what can you do’ funny. Such was the case the night of Friday, February the 8th.

My wife & I were headed to my 20 year class reunion of which I have written about. And which, ironically, I thought I’d gain some insight into life from. About an hour into our trip, my wifes cell phone rang. As she began to talk & I saw the despair & pain in her face, I got that sick, sinking feeling which always seems to accompany the time right before you get bad news. I pulled off to the side of the road as the call ended to hear my fears realized. My mother-in-law had passed away a short time before. No matter how cool handed you are, how slick an operator you are, when you find out someone you loved is gone, your first thought is “What am I going to do?”. We’re conditioned to expect & deal with change. We’re told it’s part of life. The only thing constant is change. But a loved one dying isn’t just a change, it’s a sudden void opened up in your soul. Part of you is instantly gone. And can’t be recovered. You are changed in that moment into a different person. And so the natural reaction is “What am I going to do?”

Let me tell you about my mother-in-law. I am one of the luckiest husbands in the world in that she was great. And I did love her. She treated me & made me feel like one of her sons. In the almost 19 years I had to privilege of knowing her, I never exchanged a cross word with her. Not once. Who can say that about anyone that they know for that long? Like her beautiful daughter, she had a love for sports that led us to many conversations of that sort. Especially about football & basketball. I enjoyed doing things for her because she always appreciated it. Although she was far from perfect as every person is, she was the perfect person to be my mother-in-law. And I can say now for certain, that it wasn’t a complete visit until I was able to bid her farewell with a hug, a kiss to the cheek, & an ‘I love you Mom.’

Mom’s story wouldn’t be complete, it wouldn’t even begin, if I didn’t tell you about where she lived. Born in Oklahoma, she spent the last 39 years of her life in a small Missouri farm town. One of those places that doesn’t seem to have been built as much as it just sprang into being around a random meetings of two paths. Where the wind-swept fields are only broken up by the occasional house & a gathering of buildings that say to the world that this place is a home to people. Where the houses are nicely kept, but not extravagant. Where one street contains practically every business that exists there, but it’s never overly busy. And where life tends to coalesce around the events of the school. The bastion of the future, the hopes of the community growing there, the sporting teams bringing a unity to the residents of the town that can’t be found in any other setting in the world. This was where mom invested her life. Not only in her own 7 children, but in all the children of the community. And in doing so, planted the seeds of her life in every person there. Seeds that grew into love, love for her, love for others, love that brought others to replicate her deeds, her heart.

It’s one of the cruel ironies of life is that we don’t get to see the impact that we truly have on our world until we die. Mom beign so quiet, unassuming, & tender-hearted, she had even less of a desire for glory. But in her way, she touched the community over & over again. Friends of her children found her house a second home. Not only from the time they spent there, but from the love they received from Mom & Dad. She was active in PTA & other community groups that did things for the town & especially the children. She was the queen of homecoming floats. Always on the queens float committee, she helped bring about creations that didn’t belong in a town of 500, but seemed to come from places exotic, strange, & wonderful. And children grew up remembering them, amassing memories. She was handy with a needle & thread & over the years had sewn literally hundreds of wedding dresses, prom dresses, quilts, dolls, & other things that found their way into so many homes in the town & around. And then, there were the ball games.

Mom loved going to watch the towns teams play. Boys or girls. Basketball or softball. All 7 of her children had been involved in one way or another. After they were graduated & gone, every child in the school became hers. She was rarely without her partner in crime at sporting events. The dynamic duo. Where Mom was quiet & unassuming, her friend was loud & boisterous. Her friend never learned to drive & Mom was mobile up until the end. They went together perfectly. They were a fixture at games, sitting side by side, known throughout the conference, & even getting in for free sometimes in the last few years. Mom’s last evening alive was spent with her friend at the conference basketball tournament. It’s appropriate, poetic, & perfect for her.

The funeral was held Tuesday on a brutally frigid day that wasn’t anything like the woman we had come to lay to rest. So many people, so many memories shared, so much testimony to the great, big heart that she had & that ultimately failed her. I held it together pretty well. I wanted to be strong for my wife & my family. I had the honor of giving the closing prayer at her funeral. And as Mom & Dad were both saved, I felt it appropriate to implore others to be saved too on her behalf. As we packed up to head back home & resume the normalcies of life, I felt what lay ahead. No hug. No kiss. No ‘I love you Mom.’ The void in my life opened up wide for me to see & feel. But now there was no “What am I going to do?” The void gets filled when you keep on livin’. It leaves a scar, but you keep on functioning.  Eventually you learn to live with it. To honor God, to honor my own great parents, & to honor my mother-in-law who I was so lucky to know. You see, I got one of her seeds in my heart too. And I want it bear the kind of fruit that she would be proud of.

Last Saturday, my daughter performed with an honor choir she had been selected for.  One of the other choirs sang a song containing a line that stuck with me.  The world is full of poetry.  And that’s a great metaphor.  Each one of us is writing our own verses every day.  What will remain of us long after we’re gone.  Some will be well-known, others hardly heard.  Some bold, others subtle.  Some complex & soaring, others simple & solid.  Mom’s lines are quiet, unassuming, but deeply affecting.  No one who heard them was unchanged by them.  And they changed the poetry of others around her for the good.  Though she never achieved any wide-spread fame, she left her part of the world in better shape than she found it.  What else can you say about a person?

I hope that’s what will be said of me.

I love you Mom.

My mother-in-law passed away today.  And for me, that’s a sad occasion.  She was a good mother-in-law.  We never once exchanged a cross word, she liked watching football with me, & I enjoyed helping her out.  She wasn’t perfect, no one is, but I felt right at home calling her ‘Mom’.  And I loved her.  She’s now back together with my father-in-law, who I also grew to love in the short time I knew him.  I’m happy for her, but I’m sure gonna miss her.  I’ll be out for a while.  I’ll see you when I get back.

I love you Mom.

You know, every week I go on a quest to find a farming tip that can be described as ‘truly useful content’.  I search for viable farming tips that will be useful to people.  But in searching, I keep coming upon one predominant type of farming tip.  WoW gold farming tips.  So, in order to satisfy the masses, here is a gold farming tip from the WoW Forums.  Courtesy of an orc warlock named Goroj. 

• Farming primals. There are still lots of places in Outlands that are not overly camped for certain types of primals. Frost mages can farm airs/fires/waters like anything. Warlocks can farm everything. Prot paladins can farm everything. Engineers can farm gas clouds. Miners can farm nodes and also get motes of earth.

I’m only slightly disturbed that it’s easier to find how to farm gold in an online game than grow organic produce.  Seriously.  But what do I know?  I voted for Ron Paul. 

Happy farming!